HAPPINESS and YOU!

January 24, 2007
BE HAPPY ZONE
By Lionel Ketchian

Happiness is a decision. Happiness is also a choice. Okay, then which one is it? Well, it's both a decision and a choice, because in order to have lasting happiness first you must make the decision, and to keep happiness, you must make the choice. Good decisions allow you to be aware of excellent choices that other people will not be mindful of or take notice.

Let's take a look at the difference between decisions and choices. The dictionary defines the word decision as "a determination arrived at after consideration." It also says, "a conclusion has been arrived at." The word choice is defined in the dictionary as "an option, an alternative, a preference, a selection, or an election."

"To get to happiness, or anywhere else, you've got to decide what you really want, and then put your energy where it will do the most good." This is a quote from the book, What Happy People Know, by Dan Baker, Ph.D. This is so true, because that is what I did when I came to the realization that happiness was what I really wanted.

Let me ask you to make a choice right now. Do you choose vanilla or chocolate? Which one did you choose? Why, and what were you choosing? I didn't tell you vanilla or chocolate anything! Were you thinking ice cream? Even if you are choosing between vanilla or chocolate ice cream, first you have to decide to have ice cream and then you make a choice about flavors. The main thing is you walked into the store because of your decision to have ice cream. Having ice cream was your decision, and what flavor to have was your choice as a result of making that decision.

Author Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., in his book Emotional Intelligence said, "Even mild mood changes can sway thinking. In making plans or decisions people in good moods have a perceptual bias that leads them to be more expansive and positive in their thinking. By the same token, being in a foul mood biases memory in a negative direction, making us more likely to contract into a fearful, overly cautious decision. Emotions out of control impede the intellect."

Wanting to be happy led me to the understanding that "to be happy," is actually needing, and wanting to be happy at some future time. That's when I figured out that it is all about "being happy,'" because being happy is something you can do right now, not later. Being happy has allowed me to be free. It has shown me what freedom looks and feels like, and I have developed a taste for it.

Victor Frankl, author of the book, Man's Search for Meaning and survivor of Nazi concentration camp, said: "Everything can be taken from a man but ... the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Being happy is a freeing experience, much like being released from prison. Part of that freeing experience comes from not wanting or needing everything to go my way all the time. This freedom has allowed me to experience peace. For what is peace but freedom from desire. Don't get me wrong, I still want things, but I don't get upset when I don't get them or when things don't go my way. Instead, I have learned to prefer things rather than demand that I get them. I am much better off, because it makes me proactive in achieving what I want. Robert Louis Stevenson said, "The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions."

It is self evident that when we are unhappy we have given our power away to others and that is why we feel unhappy. We actually feel powerless. We must choose happiness to regain our power. One of Dr. Baker's tools is choice. He says, "Choice is the father of freedom and voice of the heart. Having no choices, or options, feels like being in jail. It leads to depression, anxiety and the condition called learned helplessness. Choice can even govern perception. Anyone can choose the course of their lives, but only happy people do it."

"Courage begins with the decision to face the ultimate truth about existence: the dirty little secret that we are free. It requires an understanding of free will at the archetypal level -- an understanding that we are free to define who we are at every moment. We are not what society and randomness has made us; we are what we have chosen to be from the depth of our being. We are a product of our will. We are self-made in the deepest sense." This statement was made by Peter Koestenbaum in his work to bring leadership philosophy to business people globally.

Most importantly, I have learned that happiness comes from inside. It is not something I can find or hope to find. The true opposite to happiness is not unhappiness, but fear. Unhappiness is just the effect caused by fear. Being happy dispels fear. It is in your choice, so it is in your power. In order to become a happy person you must make the decision to become happy. Than you must keep making the choice in order to reinforce that decision.

William George Jordan said, "Happiness can grow in any soil, live in any condition. It defies environment. It comes from within; it's the revelation of the depths of the inner life as light and heat proclaim the sun from which they radiate. Happiness consists not of having, but of being; not of possessing, but of enjoying. It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with it's self... Happiness is the soul's joy in the possession of the intangible... Happiness is paradoxical because it may coexist with trial, sorrow and poverty. It is the gladness of the heart, rising superior to all conditions..."