LIVING WITH LOSS

February 21, 2007
BE HAPPY ZONE
By Lionel Ketchian

A letter I just received read:

Dear Mr. Ketchian,

I have been reading your happiness articles for about a year and a half now and find it very helpful. My life changed considerably four months ago, when my beloved wife of 54 years passed away. The words that you print have little relevance to my state of mind today. Have you done anything in the area of bereavement counseling? There are many people in my situation. Are you able to address them? Your thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you for your consideration, sincerely, a friend.

Dear Friend,

Thank you your note. I am very sorry to learn about your wife's passing away. Spending a lifetime with a loved one and then losing them, is truly a cataclysmic occurrence.

Please understand that I offer you the following words to alleviate as much suffering as possible. If there is one thought that resonates within you and that you find helpful, that would be great. I do not offer these words to you as an answer for everything. Each of us must decide how we want to confront life with all of the uncertainties it sends our way.

If your wife were here with us now, would she want you to be happy? I know your answer is: "yes, absolutely my wife would want me to be happy." What our loved ones want for us is truly something to think about and reflect on. Allow me to ask you another question. If your wife was the one who was here and you were the one who had passed away, would you want her to be happy? You answered" "yes" to this question. This is the true meaning of love…to want our loved ones to be happy.

When I asked you this last question, you mentioned that your wife would have a very hard time dealing with your death. As I mentioned to you, the suffering you are going through is at least the suffering that your wife does not have to bear. In Man's Search For Meaning book by Viktor E. Frankl, M.D. Dr. Frankl asked the same question of a man who was having a very hard time with the grief he experienced, due to the loss of his wife. The man also said his wife would have had a very hard time dealing with her loss, had she been in his place. Dr. Frankl told him that the suffering he was experiencing was the suffering that his wife did not have to experience. Dr. Frankly gave this man's suffering special meaning to him.

Hopefully, this ads some meaning and purpose to your experience and possibly lightens your load a little.

Please know that I care about you and the life you now have before you. Being happy, when you are ready, will not only be a gift to you my friend, but it will enrich everyone's life around you as well. You do not have to be unhappy to prove that you loved a person. If you allow yourself to become happy, even with the loss of a loved one, you do so much more good for yourself, your loved ones and everyone who comes into contact with you.

Your children and grandchildren will benefit from your happiness. I believe the very best thing we can do for our children and grandchildren is to teach them happiness by our example. It is in this way that children learn to deal with loss and the benefits of happiness as a life long skill.

It has been said that if you can't be happy for yourself, than do it for those you love. When you show others happiness, you give them your genuine love. I believe that showing our happiness and gratitude for what we do have is the best way to deal with what we no longer have in our lives. Life is short, we may as well be happy because it is over so soon.

When you're ready, happiness is ready for you my dear friend. Happiness always extends its hand to you with love and friendship. It may not erase the past, but it completely transforms your future. Hard times do not have to define us; they can reveal the strength that lies within us. Happiness is always here for us, just below the surface, waiting to be uncovered.

I remain you friend and happiness coach! Sharing Love, Peace and Happiness with you, Lionel

Our next Happiness Club meeting is March 22, from 7:00-9:00 P.M. The presentation is "Understanding Happiness," with Dr. Leonard J. Waks. Dr. Waks and I will be discussing happiness and it's relationship to philosophy and psychology and how that relates to you. Leonard J. Waks has doctorates in both philosophy and psychology, and taught full time at Purdue, Stanford, Penn State and Temple universities from 1966 until his retirement in 2005. Dr. Waks maintains an active schedule of speaking and writing.

We also have another presentation called: "I Need A Face-Lift, Spiritually Speaking," by Kathleen J. Dolan. Kathleen is the author of the above named book. Kathleen will revitalize you with her thirty-one day, Magnify Your Inner Beauty, step-by-step Guide. Learn to have the peace of mind you need and experience happiness all year. The meeting will be held in the Rotary Room, at the Fairfield Public Library, located at 1080 Old Post Road. There is no charge for the meeting and everyone's welcome!