The Blame Game

February 27, 2008
BE HAPPY ZONE
By Lionel Ketchian

How many times a day do you think about someone who has done something wrong? How often do you find yourself blaming other people. Regardless of their being right or wrong, you are still left with that negative feeling inside yourself. You are probably wondering why I bring this up in the first place, if you are not the one who has done wrong. What if I told you it doesn't not matter who is wrong, you may be the one who suffers anyway.

Why do we feel the need to use blame as much as most of us find ourselves doing? Our instincts were created for fight or flight response. Since we have very little opportunity these days for the need to fight or run we are still left with the problem of what to do with our instinctual feelings that rise up within us. If we can't fight or run that we basically find ourselves getting stressed out over things. We find that we can be in a state of stress for long periods of time with no let up.

Blaming other people can add to our stress level. It changes our blood chemistry and affects our mood, stress level and blood pressure. Some subtle things can be affected that you may have never considered. For example, we give up our power when we put too much thought into blaming others. When we try to control other people we actually are not paying attention to the things within ourselves that we can control. When it comes down to it, people will not be doing what you want them to do most of the time. We can't change people, no matter how hard we try. Have you noticed that you can't control people in your own life and in your own relationships?

Many people compensate their own self worth by attacking other people. We often complain about the actions of other people while we may be abusing them with our words of blame. No one likes to be controlled. Do you like being controlled? Of course you don't like it. Not blaming others can become one of the most responsible alternatives you can ever use to manage your life. Being responsible is a powerful way to being happy because you are making the choices that affect your life within yourself. This may seem like the hardest thing to understand but giving up blaming others frees you from fear.

Giving up blame is another way to eliminate drama from our lives and emotional incompetence in ourselves. When we begin to modify our behavior by detaching from blame we begin to lesson the hold that anger has on us. This is another step toward freedom from outside circumstances.

I just finished reading Eldon Taylor's book, Choices and Illusions. Eldon's book has given me a new dimension to my life. I have been practicing forgiveness for over twenty years. This book has shown me a new pathway to freedom and happiness. That pathway is to let go of blaming others.

In expanding my new practice, I have not only found liberation by letting go of the need to blame others, but I have also realized that I don't have to blame myself in the process. This is the most important and exhilarating point of all. What we blame in others may very well be what we find to blame in ourselves. We can observe what other people do without the need to blame them for what they do.

I want to state a powerful quote from Choices and Illusions: "When you forgive, you essentially undo the ability to blame. If there is nothing to blame, then you are in charge of your response to outside stimuli. There is less room for anger without blame. There is less to fear when your 're empowered." Eldon shows you that you do not arrive at this state by your thinking but rather by becoming aware of your beliefs. Only by experiencing this powerful state can we break through our illusions and empower ourselves and thereby the world.

The concept of giving up blame leads to a feeling of unconditional love for others. This is an important way to feel more like you are a contributing member of the human race. You feel like you fit into the human family. You feel that you are important to the world, and the world returns the favor, by allowing you to experience being connected to others. You have joined the human family. You belong to it and it belongs to you.

Happiness is a decision. Happiness is intentional and once you have decided that being happy is the way you want to choose to live, you can, once you understand your illusions. Eventually, with the practice of creating the proper thinking, you will use awareness to make happiness a living part of you. Learn to take the right steps and make the best choices to enable you to experience being happy and enjoying an empowered life in every moment.

Lionel Ketchian is the founder of the Happiness Club and can be reached at PrintLRK@aol.com. The website is www.HappinessClub.com.