A Man Of Happiness!

August 9, 2006
BE HAPPY ZONE
By Lionel Ketchian

Six years ago today, I wrote my first article called: BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND, for this column. Thanks for allowing me to spread happiness for the last six years because readers like you have shown me how important happiness is to all of us. I would like to introduce you to a new friend of mine. His name is Gary van Warmerdam, and the following is his story in his own words.

"I finally hit bottom when the woman I was living with got so angry that she picked up a fire poker and came at me. In her previous fits of anger she had thrown things or taken a swing at me. I grabbed hold of the fire poker until she relaxed and put it down. I was exhausted from trying to fix the relationship. I didn't have the tools to change the dynamics of emotional drama. Even if I did, I didn't want to work on it in that environment. I packed up my things and left.

It took me a few days to stop focusing on what other people did wrong and acknowledge my half in all of it. I was the one responsible for getting myself into the career and relationships I was in. I was responsible for choosing to stay when things were miserable. My girlfriend talked me into believing I was at fault for her anger, but I was the one that believed it. I resisted swallowing responsibility for my choices but as I reviewed my half I couldn't escape the truth. I finally accepted that I had a responsibility for the events and what I was feeling in my life. What surprised me was that it came with great power.

I realized that if I was responsible for creating my misery, then I also had the power to create joy and happiness as well. I just had to figure out how. I vowed that I would figure out what was in my unconscious decision making process that had gotten me into unhappy situations, and what had kept me there. I made a deep commitment to change this unconscious decision process so I didn't end up there again. I committed to being happy no matter what. I would no longer live in the fear and miserable emotions I was living in.

Two weeks later I was sitting and listening to a gentle man by the name of Don Miguel Ruiz. Nothing profound happened that evening, but his common sense, kind insights, and perspective were a breath of fresh air to my own. As I left that evening I knew that I could learn a lot from this man. Since that day in April 1994 Don Miguel went on to write best selling books such as The Four Agreements, The Mastery of Love, and The Voice of Knowledge.

As Epictetus said: "It is difficulties that show what men are."

I worked with Don Miguel personally to change all my beliefs and completely change my perspective on everything in life. I learned how to be happy in the face of life’s chaos. If I can do it, you can do it. The key is learning how to deal with and master the beliefs in your mind. Most of your emotional reactions are driven by beliefs and interpretations in your mind that you are not even aware of. Without mastery over your beliefs you have no control over your interpretations, perspective, or emotions. The result is that your emotional reactions take you for a ride that you didn't choose. You didn't choose your emotion because you didn't choose the interpretation, the belief did.

When you have mastery over your core beliefs you have the power to direct the expressions of your life towards truth, love and happiness. It is the beliefs buried in your mind that interferes with happiness being a choice.

One of the beautiful gifts of creating conscious happiness for yourself is that since it is something you create from within, there is no fear of losing it. It is not dependent on career success, another person, financial gains, or even your health. Once you know how to create conscious happiness from within, you can enjoy it the rest of your life...no matter what.

The critical step in the process is to develop a different perspective. It is with a different perspective that you create different interpretations of events in your life. With a different interpretation you change your emotional experience of events. By mastering your perspective you can master happiness in your life.

To create happiness in your life requires conscious commitment. Without the conscious commitment the chaos of the day, hidden agendas of core beliefs, and habits from our ego mind overrun how we spend our time and attention. With a conscious commitment it is only inevitable that we return to our natural emotional state of happiness."

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Be Impeccable With Your Word

Don't Take Anything Personally

Don't Make Assumptions

Always Do Your Best

Don Miguel Ruiz said: "When we become authentic, when we no longer pretend to be what we are not, we recover all the power that we had invested in other people’s opinions. We can invest this power in our own happiness."

Our next Happiness Club meeting will be a presentation called: "Enjoy the Good Life, Happiness!" What does it take for an individual human being to have a good life? Find out what happiness is and what it takes to achieve happiness! Meeting on Thursday, August 17, from 7:00 - 9:00 P.M. at the Fairfield Public Library, in the Rotary Room at 1080 Old Post Road.