Happiness and Judgements!

September 5, 2007
BE HAPPY ZONE
By Lionel Ketchian

Lately, one of the things that I have found is giving up judgments of others. I realize that judgements are really just anther form of self-talk. By not allowing my mind to engage in any kind of judgment or criticism of the actions of others, I am freeing myself from the need to react to most things that people do.

This is not for the purpose of making others feel good or even being a good person myself. It is for my own benefit. Being less judgmental of others has led me to a feel freer then I ever have. I seem to be releasing myself from my own judgments that were really more about me than they were about others.

"Happiness depends more on judgment of one’s own self." These are the words of Benjamin Franklin who apparently understood the meaning of happiness and its dependence on the judgement of ourselves. By not judging others I am not judging myself, or at least not judging myself as much as I used to. It has now becoming a habit for me. It is a habit that has given me an unbelievable sense of freedom.

As if freedom were more than enough to feel like this is all worth not judging others. I have felt another rewarding benefit from letting go of judging others. I have felt that I have a feeling of loving people even more. Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., a prolific writer and teacher has said: "By not judging, we release the past and let go of our fears of the future. In so doing, we come to see that everyone is our teacher and that every circumstance is an opportunity for growth in happiness, peace and love."

When you are looking at what you don't like about people it is hard to feel good or be happy. So the more I give up criticizing or judging others the more I get the feeling of love for others. I think that is why Mother Teresa so brilliantly said: "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." I know what she meant by these words because they have become true for me.

Peter McWilliams, the author of You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought has said: "Positive thoughts (joy, happiness, fulfillment, achievement, worthiness) have positive results (enthusiasm, calm, well-being, ease, energy, love). Negative thoughts (judgement, unworthiness, mistrust, resentment, fear) produce negative results (tension, anxiety, alienation, anger, fatigue).

As many of you know I have said that one of the best books on happiness I have ever read (I have read a great many books) is Rabbi Zeilg Pliskin's book: Gateway to Happiness. I would like to announce a new book of Rabbi Zelig Pliskin called Conversations with Yourself: a practical guide for greater happiness, self-development and self-empowerment. Conversations with Yourself deals with what we tell ourselves and how to have better conversations with ourselves. This is Rabbi Pliskin's 22nd book; it was just been released in August and is available at ArtScroll Mesorah Publications, Brooklyn NY. I recommend this book for everyone. You will have better conversations with yourself after reading it.

If you really want to change your life experience of how others treat you, try changing the way you mentally think about judging other people. If you must say something about their behavior that is fine, you can say whatever you think they should know about. But to keep thinking about things they may do that bother you and are not really important is really more about punishing yourself with thoughts that will sooner or later drive you crazy.

The biggest benefit I have derived from developing a more non-judgmental attitude is the amazingly wonderful way people have been responding to me. As I have been eliminating those criticizing and judging thoughts from my mind, it is as if people sense that I am not those criticizing and judging them anymore, and they respond in a much more positive way than I would have normally expected. The more power and control you have over your own mind the better your life will be!

Our next meeting is a presentation by Alan Gettis, Ph.D. called: The Happiness Solution, Dr. Gettis is the author of The Happiness Solution and two other books. He is a clinical psychologist with graduate degrees from Central Michigan University, Utah State University, and Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons.

Dr. Gettis was a Vietnam era army psychologist serving at William Beaumont Hospital in 1969-1970. In the 1970's, he spent seven years at the West Bergen Mental Health Center as the Chief Psychologist. He has been a private practice psychologist for 30 years, specializing in individual psychotherapy mostly with people struggling with: Unhappiness, Depression, Low Self-Esteem, Anxiety, Anger, Relationship Problems and Substance Abuse. DrGettis@aol.com

The meeting is on Thursday, September 20, from 7:00 - 9:00 P.M. at the Fairfield Public Library, in the Rotary Room at 1080 Old Post Road, Fairfield. Don't miss this valuable talk. Admission is free; everyone is welcome. Meet some great people using happiness in their lives. Come on down, get connected, and step out with joy in your life! Looking forward to seeing you.

Lionel Ketchian is the founder of the Happiness Club and can be reached at PrintLRK@aol.com. The website is www.HappinessClub.com.