WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF HAPPINESS?

September 28, 2005

BE HAPPY ZONE

By Lionel Ketchian

Do you know what the opposite of happiness is? No, it's not unhappiness. Unhappiness is not a cause it is the effect of something. The opposite of happiness is FEAR! Fear is without a doubt one of the worst things you can experience. Fear is an inability to cope with life. Unfortunately, if not corrected that inability becomes a disability.

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." These are the brilliant words of John Homer Miller. They can point the way to your liberation of fear.

About four years ago I was giving a class on Happiness called "Be Happy, No Matter What," at Sacred Heart University. A woman named Jane taking the course had shared a story with the group about her experience with fear. Jane was divorced for about ten years. She was uncomfortable with being alone, and afraid of being in her house by herself. Late one night she heard quite a lot of noise coming from the front door. She hoped it would just go away but she knew that someone was definitely outside her front door. She was terrified, and did not know what to do.

Jane finally decided that she had to do something. So she ran to get a baseball bat that was in another room. She figured she would fling open the front door and scare the burglar away with the baseball bat. If that didn't work, she would run out the back door. So she got the bat and headed in the direction of the front door. Right next to the front door, there was a window with a curtain. So she decided to very carefully sneak a look out the window through the curtain to try to see the threat that was waiting for her.

So she went to the window and could now really hear all the noise outside the door. She slowly lifted the curtain and looked outside her front door. She was really surprised at what she saw before her eyes. Instead of seeing some impending doom, she saw three baby raccoons playing on her front stairs. One of the baby raccoons was jumping on her bushes next to the stairs. The other two baby raccoons were frolicking with each other right at her front door.

Instead of being terrified she broke out into sidesplitting laughter. She said the babies were so cute and were so much fun to watch. Jane said the interesting thing about her story, was that she never again was afraid. This experience was the catalyst that allowed Jane to overcome her fear of being alone. She said that the adventure taught her not to give in to her fears and limited thinking about anything. Jane is a regular member of the Happiness Club and attends meetings often.

Daniel Goleman, the author of the book: Emotional Intelligence said: "Even mild mood changes can sway thinking. In making plans or decisions people in good moods have a perceptual bias that leads them to be more expansive and positive in their thinking. By the same token, being in a foul mood biases memory in a negative direction, making us more likely to contract into a fearful, overly cautious decision. Emotions out of control impede the intellect."

As John Masefield said: ÒBest trust the happy moments. What they gave makes man less fearful and gives his work compassion and new eyes, the days that make us happy make us wise.Ó

Fear is being out of control, and happiness is taking control of oneself. I think it was Emerson who said the only way out of fear is through it. The next time something shows you fear within yourself, go through it instead of running away. Running only allows your fear to gain ground, not you. Not facing your fear is much harder than dealing with it. Use happiness for ammunition and you can shoot through fear!

In the words of Shakespeare: "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." Take it slow in the beginning, but deal with your fear, face to face. If you face your fear it will make an about face. You will become more powerful for having faced your fear and mastered it. If you doubt anything, doubt your fears, never yourself.

"They who have no central purpose in life fall easy prey to petty worries, fears, troubles, and self-pitying, all of which lead to failure, unhappiness, and loss...for weakness cannot persist in a power-evolving universe." James Allen

Our next Happiness Club meeting will be a presentation called: ÒHAPPY 4 LIFE!Ó by Bob Nozik, M.D. Dr. Nozik is an amazing individual and he is in charge of the California Happiness Club. He has studied happiness, and has been happy for the last 19 years and just authored and recently published his book entitled, Happy 4 Life: HereÕs How to Do It.

The meeting is Thursday, October 20, from 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. at the newly renovated Fairfield Public Library, in the Memorial Room at 1080 Old Post Road, Fairfield. Meet some wonderful people using happiness in their lives. Admission is free; everyone is welcome.

Lionel Ketchian is the founder of the Happiness Club and can be reached at PrintLRK@aol.com. The Web site is www.happinessclub.com.