I want you to practice "Premeditated Happiness." Happiness is one of the most important things in your life. Happiness does wonders for your soul. You should know that reading this newsletter will not just make your life better; it will make the world a better place because you have decided to be happy!

Be Wise, Be Happy!
Lionel

Save the date: Our next Happiness Club meeting, Thursday, September 26, 2002. The Topic is "How to Be Happy!" 7:00 - 8:45 P.M. at the Fairfield Public Library, in the Rotary Room at 1080 Old Post Road, Fairfield, CT 06824.

Happ-E-Quote:) "The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have." - Woody Allen

Happ-E-Purpose:) Reminding you to make the "Happiness Decision." Letting you know about our meeting dates, giving you happiness information, and the latest copy of the Be Happy Zone Article that is published twice a month in the Fairfield Citizen-News. Read today's article called: DISCONTENT.

Happ-E-Quote:) "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa

Happ-E-Mail:) Found your great website and would love to present my website to your members. The children who share their lives often have such resilience, despite significant medical challenges, that they are role models of happiness to me...Hope you'll have an opportunity to peruse the site Band-Aides and Blackboards
http://www.faculty.fairfield.edu/fleitas/contents.html. All the best. - Joan Fleitas, Ed.D., R.N., Associate Professor of Nursing, Fairfield University, Fairfield, CT 06430
e-mail:jfleitas@fair1.fairfield.edu

Happ-E-Quote:) "To me every hour of the day and night is an unspeakable perfect miracle." - Walt Whitman

Happ-E-Mail:) Hello from Australia! Hi, My name is Sylvia. The Happiness Club is such a brilliant idea, I am interested in joining your mailing list to learn more about it (if that would be possible. Thank you very much!

Happ-E-Web Site:) When is the last time you checked out the happinessclub.com web site? Tom Finelli did a great deal with the web site. It was one of his last contributions to making the world a happier place. Tom wanted you to be happy!

Tom dressed up the web site in happy faces and made it look like a very happy place. Another reason to check it out is that if you have written to us about happiness, you might just find your name in the "What people are saying," section on the left hand side of the home page. The next September meeting, as well as the October meeting is now posted for you. All the articles from the Be Happy Zone that has been published in the Fairfield Citizen-News have been posted for you to read.

Our Happinessclub.com is a site to see! Click here: www.happinessclub.com. We just went over the "You are visitor 12,700" counter mark. If you like this newsletter, then spread the word, and share it with your friends and colleagues. Invite them to subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to: Happinessclub@aol.com, or sign them on yourself and we will send them a note that it was from you.

Happ-E-Quote:) "You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." - James Allen

Happ-E-Mail:) Dear Lionel, Congratulations on your new Grandson Aidon, and thank you so much for your wonderful tribute to Tom. I know he enjoyed all you did
together, his enthusiasm with the Happiness Club was obvious. The Smiley
Flowers came out just great and I am sure Tom was smiling from above! Stay Happy!!!! - Jean Adams

Happ-E-Quote:) Found on a place mat: "Count your age by friends - not years. Count your life by smiles - not tears."

Happ-E-Mail:) Dear Lionel, I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your dear friend and "co-conspirator," Tom. Although I never had the chance to meet him, personally, I am glad that you did. What a beautiful quote, you put in the latest newsletter! "What we have done for ourselves dies with us. What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal"...I truly believe, Lionel, that the work that Tom did for our Happiness Club, is a tremendous life accomplishment.

Yes, his lifespan was much too brief, but what he did with those few, brief years, will live on for always. Tom's wonderful work, in launching The Happiness Club of Fairfield (along with you), has been a true lifesaver for me. The Happiness Club is a wonderful Club for many people--not just for myself. I am sure that he will be able to rest in peace, knowing that his efforts on this earth, were instrumental, in forming a Club that has been, and will continue to be, such a tremendous source of strength and comfort, and hope, and encouragement, to untold numbers of people, here in Fairfield County. Again, Lionel, my deepest condolences, on the loss of such a good friend, and partner. - T.C.

Happ-E-Quote:) "What people get admired and appreciated for in community are their soft skills: their sense of humor and timing, their ability to listen, their courage and honesty, their capacity for empathy." - M. Scott Peck

Happ-E-Web Help:) If you know how to web skills please let us know. We need help with our web site. Thank You!

Happ-E-Mail:) Lionel, Tom's passing has moved me in many ways, but most significantly it has made me see how much I miss seeing all my "Happy" friends. Please e-mail me with the next meeting information and I will get a babysitter for that Thursday night. Love Maria V.

Happ-E-Quote:) "If one is master of one thing and understands one thing well, one has at the same time, insight into and understanding of many things." - Vincent Van Gogh

Happ-E-Mail:) Hi - I'm a former Fairfield resident - grew up there but left in 1973 and
currently live in Los Angeles. My parents, now living in Florida, told me they regularly read the Fairfield Citizen & Connecticut Post (I knew it as the Bridgeport Post) on-line so now I check the websites out every so often and I came across you. This looks like a very exciting idea and one that we all need. Thanks So much. Denise Barnes

Happ-E-Quote:) "To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end in life." - Baruch Spinoza

Happ-E-Mail:) Dear Lionel, I cried when I read your tribute to Tom, it was so touching. You touch so many lives in an exquisite manner that I am proud to be your friend. Enjoy your grandson and family this summer. I am off to orientation for college for my daughter this weekend. Although sad, I am equally excited for the experience she is about to receive. Thanks again for the wonderful newsletter. - Barbara

Happ-E-Quote:) "Three rules for success. Number 1. Do what's right. Be on time, be polite, and be honest; remain free from drugs; and if you have any questions, get out your Bible. Number 2. Do your best. Mediocrity is unacceptable when you are capable of doing better. Number 3. Treat others as you want to be treated. Practice love and understanding." - Lou Holtz

Happ-E-Mail:) Hi Lionel, What a beautiful tribute to Tom. Thanks so much for doing that. I did send a copy of the birthday poem to his wife and kids. I hope they find joy in it, as I did in writing it, and as Tom found in everyday life. Have a great rest of the week and talk to you soon. Sending volumes of happiness, Love, Lynette

Happ-E-Quote:) "Success has a special attraction to it...and your heart must be magnetized by belief and decision to attract it..." - Doug Firebaugh

Happ-E-Mail:) Dear Lionel, I was shocked to read your e-mail yesterday. I still can _t get my mind around Tom's passing. After having been away for over a week, I feel terrible that I'm just hearing about this for the first time now, and so saddened that I was not able to attend Tom's wake or funeral. What tragic news to follow my idyllic honeymoon. I still just can't believe it.

I am so sorry I could not extend my condolences to Tom's family (and yours) before now. Tom was indeed a one-of-a-kind guy, and I will miss him very much. I had no idea just how active he was in the community and his church. Only makes me admire him more, but does not surprise me in the least.

Is there anything I can do for Tom's family? Is there a fund I can donate to? Anything the family is requesting? So sorry again for the loss of your (and MY) friend.

It seems so strange now, looking back, that we were celebrating at my wedding, and I had no idea about Tom. We both had so much to be happy about (the birth of Aidan, and my marriage), and yet so much also to mourn. Life is so strange.

Well, we know one thing for sure _ Tom has made his mark on the world, and left a wonderful legacy of love and caring. This is all any human being could ever hope to accomplish in his lifetime. He certainly WAS a success! Tom may be gone, but will never be forgotten. With much love, meredith

Happ-E-Quote:) "Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation." -- Robert F. Kennedy

Happ-E-Mail:) Hi Lionel, Your friend Tom must have been a wonderful human being....we are sorry for your loss. Regards, Camille and Mike

Happ-E-Quote:) "You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note." -Doug Floyd

Happ-E-Mail:) Enjoyed the newsletter. Thank you. - Anne

Happ-E-Quote:) "The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." - Muhammad Ali

Happ-E-Mail:) Lionel, My name is Tim Adams, I am a cousin of Tom Finelli. On behalf of my family, I want to say thank you for the tribute to Tom. I also want to thank you for reminding me of what Tom would want, to Be Happy. I have always looked up to Tom and will always remember how he made me laugh every time I saw him. I will, as many others, miss him very much. Thank you, Tim Adams

Happ-E-Quote:) "The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind." - Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 - 1919) US writer, poet, journalist

BE HAPPY ZONE
Fairfield Citizen-News
July 31, 2002

DISCONTENT
By Lionel Ketchian

Oscar Wilde said: "Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation." Is there a difference between happiness and contentment? Yes, a difference that may be hard to understand, but an important difference!

The tenth edition of Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines the word CONTENT: as CONTENTED or SATISFIED. The word happy is very often defined by the word content, but it is not. There is a difference between these two words. First of all the word HAPPY did not even appear on man's lips till around the 1500's. Take a look at the following quote from the Bible, Philippians 4:11: "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Remember the word happy was not in existence at the time the Bible was written. It would have more meaning to say; to be happy.

The main problem with understanding the real difference between the two words is that we confuse the words, happy and content with circumstances. In fact the first definition of the word happy is to be lucky. From the beginning we introduced circumstances into the word happy and that is the reason we do not understand it today.

Let me share with you the following quote by George Bernard Shaw. He said: "The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." What does this mean? It means that you can be discontent with a problem, or a person. This gives you the power to change what you do not like, if it is in your power to do so. The difference most people do not understand is that they allow the problem to make them unhappy.

Once you are unhappy, you make the problem worse and you become your own problem. Where you had only one problem before, you now have created two problems. The problem, and the way you are reacting to your problem. To be discontent with the problem enables you to look for ways to handle the problem. To be discontent enables you to find ways to change the problem so you do not have to live with it and let it bother you forever. As Wilhelm von Humboldt said: "I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life, than on the nature of those events themselves."

Don't confuse being discontent with a problem and being discontent with yourself. Being discontent with yourself is being unhappy. Once you become unhappy you give up your power to deal with the problems you have in life. Never let anything make you unhappy, because you are giving it control over yourself. Take control of the situation by choosing being happy over your reaction to make you feel unhappy. Things do not make you feel unhappy, your reaction to things does. Happiness is a response to life and all the negative things it may throw your way. When you are faced with something you would like to change or be different from it is now. Be discontent with an event or person, but don't be discontented with yourself.

In other words do not become unhappy. It is the action of becoming unhappy that will make you powerless to deal with the negative person or event. The unhappy blame their discontent on others. They see no way out because they have made themselves a victim. It is all right to be discontent with someone, just don't allow that person to make you unhappy by reacting to them. You can respond to them any way that you like. You can even get angry if the situation calls for it. But the important thing is to respond to the situation not to react to it. The difference is that in one way the person is controlling you by your reaction. The other way you are doing the controlling by your INTENDED response.

Get angry you ask? I thought that was not a nice thing to do? Let me quote a fellow living in the 4th century BC. His name is Aristotle, and he wrote Nicomachean Ethics. "It is easy to fly into a passion - anybody can do that - but to be angry with the right person to the right extent and at the right time and with the right object and in the right way - that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it."

In a world that is pushing for power in everything, happiness seems impossible. Yet the fact remains that happiness is power for those that practice it. Dostoevsky said: "Happiness does not lie in happiness, but in the achievement of it." That is what Being Happy really is, an achievement that requires discipline. To be happy you need to practice unconditional happiness to make it a habit and receive the power you will feel by putting it to work for you.

I may not be content with everything that happens to me in my life. But by being happy no matter what happened I am able to use my happiness as a strategy to deal with what happened. I don't have to like it; I just have to use happiness to give me the balance I need to deal with it. Thank God for our discontent. As Oscar Wilde said: "Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation." It will help us change what we can without giving up our happiness to do it!

It is perfectly all right to become discontent with a problem, as long as you are not discontent with yourself. By remaining happy and using your discontent to change what you can, you will achieve what you thought was impossible. Discontent allows you to see what you want to change, and remaining happy gives you the wisdom, and the power to change it.
Travel this road called life, fully charged with happiness.

Lionel Ketchian is the founder of the Happiness Club, a Happiness Coach, and can be reached at PrintLRK@aol.com. The Web site is www.HappinessClub.com.

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