Happ-E-Newsletter for October 1, 2004

Welcome My Dear Friend,

Do we really need to have something we want in order to be happy? Do we really need to lose something in order to see that we were happy then, but did not realize it until now? Happiness is about realizing what we have and accepting what comes along that we can't change or control.

Many people are sending me excellent real life questions. I am beginning to use the answers to them in my articles. If you have questions, or would like to share your stories about happiness success and benefits, please send them to me. I would love to read them. Let me know if you want your name mentioned. Thanks!

Sending Love, and Happiness to you,
Lionel

"An individual has a healthy personality to the exact degree to which they have the propensity to look for the good in every situation." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Happiness Empowerment to You! LIVE RICHLY...PRACTICE HAPPINESS!

Happiness is one of the most important things in your life. Happiness is an inner state of well being. A state of well being that enables you to profit from your highest: thoughts, wisdom, intelligence, common sense, emotions, health, and spiritual values in your life. Happiness does wonders for your soul. Practice "Premeditated Happiness." Happiness is an issue of power. We give our power to others for many reasons, and we think that they will make us happy. The truth is that we have given others power over ourselves. We can take our power back in order to be happy again. Now is the time to learn to use happiness in dealing with challenges and difficult people in your life so you can develop the strength to prevail. Reading this newsletter will not just make your life better; it will make the world a better place...because you have decided to be happy!

Reminding you to make the "Happiness Decision." Giving you our meeting dates, happiness information, and your latest copy of the Be Happy Zone Article that is published every other Wednesday in the Fairfield Citizen-News. At the end of this newsletter you can read the latest article called: Having A Difficult Time.

"The future is purchased by the present." - Samuel Johnson

Think Smart, Look Smart, Be Smart...Be Happy! - Lionel Ketchian

Happ-E-Quote:) "Laugh and your life will be lengthened for this is the great secret of long life." - Og Mandino

Happ-E-Mail:) "Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted." from Dorothy George in Texas

Happ-E-Quote:) "Not what we have, but what we use, not what we see, but what we choose, these are the things that mar or bless the sum of human happiness." - Joseph Fort Newton (1880-1950) Clergyman

Happ-E-Mail:) Since 1948 we have had an annual International Kite Fly for PEACE. There are over 26 countries that are participating on Sunday, October 10th at 1:00 - 2:00 p.m. In Fairfield, CT we will be at Jennings Beach, Compo Beach and Seaside Park, or any open space. We want unusual kites and fun loving kite flyers. Also balloons may be flown for peace. You can mark them with "PEACE" with a marking pen, but do not release them. Make it a family fun day! Thanks, Rosemarie Barone

Happ-E-Quote:) "A man must seek his happiness and inward peace from objects which cannot be taken away from him." - Alexander Humboldt (1769-1859) Naturalist and explorer

Happ-E-Mail:) I am thinking it might be fun to start a 'club' here in Saskatchewan. Can you give me some of the details on how you started up? I am also interested in receiving the newsletter. Toni Chasmar, Canada

Happ-E-Quote:) "Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't." - Richard Bach

Happ-E-Quote:) "It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." - Agnes Repplier

Happ-E-Mail:) Another great Happy Newsletter. I especially enjoyed your piece on how wanting happiness leads to unhappiness. Letting go of the "wanting" and "striving" and replacing those by simple "being" and "doing" is the way to the Way of Happiness. Like almost everything important, it is a letting-go process. Letting go of striving puts us on the happiness highway. Keep up the great work, my friend. Dr. Bob Nozik

Happ-E-Quote:) "The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself." - George Bernard Shaw

Happ-E-Mail:) I came across your homepage because I am making a documentary for Norwegian TV about modern scientific research in happiness. I loved the idea that you have a meeting each month with the purpose to increase your happiness. So I have a question I hope you have time to answer, do you think it would be possible to send me a photo or two from one of your meetings to be included in the documentary? We are just going to say that you have meetings every month. The documentary have the working title "How happy can you be" and we have included several experts on happiness, some of them from the US, so we have quite a lot American material already. I just loved the idea of your club. The documentary is going to be 52 minutes long edited this fall and screened next winter, on Norwegian, Danish, Finnish and French TV. Sincerely, Line Hatland, Director

Happ-E-Quote:) "I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." - Helen Keller

Happ-E-Mail:) THIS IS SOME GOOD ADVICE! If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience. Let others know when they've invaded your territory. Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. From Marty Evans

Happ-E-Quote:) "Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." - Carl Zwanzig

Happ-E-Mail:) Thank you once again for your wonderful newsletter...the Interview with God is incredibly beautiful....I wish the world could see it...by the way, there is a new film to be released in early October called, Therese...a film about a saint that died about 100 years ago...she lived 24 years and her life was amazing...and I was able to follow her path through 3 countries after I retired from teaching...funny how we often learn from things we experienced a few or many years later. She did things in little ways and kept life simple with a smile on her face. I recently meet the 22 year old actress who played Therese in the movie and was able to see some of the scenes...everything was so authentic...even the rooms in her homes...which I visited.....She is now a Doctor in the Church...and I hope when the movie is released it will be a blessing for our world...I viewed some reactions of several people who saw it and I can't wait to see it...there will be a lovely spiritual message, I am sure for the world to consider. Thank you for all of your sharings...you are touching many lives generously...I will be there ...on Thursday...God-willing......Blessing, Joanie

Happ-E-Quote:) "I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." - Anne Frank

Happ-E-Mail:) Good Morning Lionel!! The meeting last night was wonderful. I am so glad I finally made it. Thanks for the re-fueling. Cal Sutliff's presentation was so well done, he is definitely doing what he was meant to do. I have the tapes by Daniel Goldman on Emotional Intelligence that I listen to in the car. It is so true that it is how you handle a particular situation that sets you apart from the rest. Take time to think first,...breathe... and you just might have spared someone you love or have to work with everyday or even yourself embarrassment or injustice. What could be better than that? Keep smiling, Meg Arena

Happ-E-Quote:) "People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success." - Norman Vincent Peale

Happ-E-Mail:) Just read your feedback from my presentation at your last meeting. What you have given me is an enormous GIFT. Your feedback was so specific and detailed...and ranged over so many areas...and came through so genuinely, that it has enormous value for me.

It made me realize that in many areas I have no idea how I am coming across...what the impact of things like voice, manner, spirit, organization, etc., are...what to keep going for and what to drop out or change. I teach how to give feedback all the time. Experiencing how profoundly valuable it is when it is done at the level you did it at increases my understanding about feedback as no amount of theory or research could have.

I will be talking about my experience of receiving your feedback when I work with people in this area. Again, what a gift you have given me by what you have taught me. Thank you. Clearly, Lionel, you are doing that thing you have labeled "the most important thing anyone can do"...you are making a difference in people's lives. It was apparent in the Happiness Club's meeting and is apparent in all the materials you send out and circulate.

Happ-E-Quote:) "Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins." - Sioux Indian prayer

We of course want gain, praise, pleasure, and happiness. But the Buddha referred to them as the "terrible twins" because each always arrives with its opposite. One cannot be open to praise and not receive blame. One cannot experience pleasure and not feel pain. This is the nature of the reality that we know. The Buddha taught that it was the denial of this truth that is the cause of all suffering. You cling to your desire for the positive in life while being filled with aversion to the negative events that occur. Yet despite all your efforts, you don't get many of the things you want, or they don't continue to satisfy you, or they go away. This is the Buddha's first noble truth: the existence of duhkha, a feeling of unsatisfactoriness which accompanies every experience in which we are identified with our needs.- From David

Happ-E-Quote:) "Whatever is enough is abundant in the eyes of virtue." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca (c. 4 B.C.- 65 A.D) Philosopher and statesman

Happ-E-Mail:) I just received this quote of the day with one of my emails I receive for women...I hope you like it.... I hope your OK and having a great time....have a great night and week.....hug to ya Bambi "If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired there own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years." - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

Happ-E-Mail:) This is a great poem, Enjoy!!!!!!!!!! Namaste, Martha
The World is Mine

Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman
And wished I were as beautiful
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you,
you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.

Happ-E-Quote:) "There is no reason to ever quit...unless of course you had no plans to ever succeed...that is called 'Delusional Success.'" - Doug Firebaugh

HAPPINESS CLUB MEETING:) Our next Happiness Club meeting will have a presentation called, "Being Happy!" We will also have author Cathie Pike give us a short presentation from her new book, Generous Moments. Cathie says: "the book is a celebration of everyday kindness -- the little good deeds that provide a bright moment for others, yet often appear to go unnoticed or unappreciated. My goal is to inspire people's awareness of generous moments around them that happen every day. It's contagious." The meeting will be on Thursday, October 14, from 7:00 - 9:00 P.M. at Sullivan Independence Hall, Fairfield, CT 06824. Admission is free; everyone is welcome. Look forward to seeing you. Come on down, meet some great people, get connected, and be happy.

Meet:) "Being Happy!" & Generous Moments.

2004 UPCOMING HAPPINESS CLUB MEETINGS DATES:)
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Thursday, December 16, 2004

Directions to Fairfield Sullivan Independence Town Hall
725 Old Post Road (corner of Beach Road)
I 95 Southbound Exit 22: Left onto North Benson Road, then cross Post Road/Route 1 and
continue one block to stop sign. Take a right onto Old Post Road and continue one block to stop sign. Town Hall is across the street on the left and Independence Hall is down the driveway from Town Hall.
I 95 Northbound Exit 22: Right onto Round Hill Road, then cross Post Road/Route 1 and
continue one block to stop sign. Town Hall is across the street on the right and Independence Hall is down the driveway from Town Hall.

Happ-E-Quote:) "You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you." - Charles Allen

Happ-E-Quote:) "Make it a rule...never, if possible, to lie down at night without being able to say, "I have made one human being at least a little wiser, a little happier or a little better this day." - Charles Kingsley (1819-1875) Clergyman and writer

BE HAPPY ZONE
By Lionel Ketchian
September 22, 2004

Having A Difficult Time

I just received this letter that may be asking some of the same questions you have been thinking about.

"Dear Lionel,

I was just thinking about the fact that I really appreciate what you write about, but sometimes it seems really hard to find happiness when everything seems to be going against you. How do you handle a situation when you are going through a bad time? Do you remain happy or do people know that you are unhappy? If you are happy all the time, then how do people know whether you are having a difficult time? If you appear happy all of the time, isn't that putting on a facade? I know you can't go through life being unhappy all of the time, but at the same time you can't be happy all of the time either.

It is all part of the human emotions. Can you really deny an emotion? I wouldn't think that would be good for your health either, keeping everything inside while appearing happy outside. There has to be a point in time that you allow yourself to go through the emotions and then get back to the state of being happy again. I do want to be happy, but at times it just seems really difficult. I want to be happy, and I will be happy at some point, but right now I try to get myself into a better happier mood and then it seems like the problems I have overpower the little bit of happiness I have conjured up. Coming to the Happiness club meetings does help, and reading your articles helps also. But to keep happiness going with all that is around is a very difficult challenge for me. Take care, and please keep spreading the happiness around it does help." - A Friend

Thank you for your letter and your interesting thoughts and questions. I am sure everyone has similar questions on their mind as well. First of all it only seems hard to find happiness when things are not going right because we do not realize that happiness is power. We give our power away when things do not go our way and then we wonder why we are overwhelmed by our problems. By not being happy we are powerless to deal with the many problems of life. Once you are unhappy you become helpless. So many people are unhappy and that is the reason that learned helplessness is a problem many people seem to face.

The best way to handle a difficult situation is to remain happy or choose happiness over the problem. Yes, the problem will be there, but we will be in a higher, better and more powerful state of mind to deal with the problem and make the best choices available at the time. Most people confuse making choices with not wanting the problem to exist in the first place. We are talking about making choices, not making wishes come true. We have to be realistic about what we want and what choices we have available to us.

You can be happy all the time and still have problems. All people have problems, even happy people do, but happy people handle their problems, they don't allow their problems to handle them. You asked: "If you are unhappy all the time isn't that putting on a facade?" Actually, you can be happy all the time. Do we really need the approval of others in order to find our happiness? Once you learn how much unhappiness can hurt you, you will not choose it. Only a conscious person can choose happiness. Your unhappiness keeps you unconscious and you suffer as a result of it.

When it comes to denying emotions by not letting them out. The truth is that by being unhappy we are not really letting our emotions out, but we are letting them in to pester us and fester in us and drive us crazy. What you think about expands. As you think of these negative emotions they start collecting in your head and you end up with 60,000 negative thoughts repeating themselves endlessly every single day. Your thinking ends up creating how you feel. Your feelings are directed by your thinking. If your thinking is negative than your feelings will be negative. It would be bad enough if your thinking and your feelings are negative but they ultimately create your behavior. So when you start thinking badly, you start feeling badly, and then you will start behaving badly. You create a downhill spiral, a vicious circle of unhappiness.

It is so much better to remain happy or become happy. In a happy state you can deal with your emotions, without them negatively affecting your behavior, or your state of mind or how you feel all the time. You said: "I want to be happy, and I will be happy at some point, but right now I try to get myself into a better happier mood and then it seems like the problems I have overpower the little bit of happiness I have conjured up." I want you to know that you will never be happy if you think you can be happy at some future point in time. It will not happen. Do you know why? Because there will never be a time when you will not have problems. If you wait for conditions to be right so you can be happy you will be waiting for a long time to come. Happiness is never about conditions being right so you can be happy. The conditions that can make you happy soon change and become the conditions that make you unhappy. You must choose happiness for its own benefits of peace and power.

The better way to deal with life is to be happy and use happiness as a strategy to deal with whatever happens in your in life. I admit that life is difficult, there is no question about it. The real problem is that by being unhappy we make life even more difficult than it has to be. I know happiness is not easy. I never said it is easy. But if you give it a try, being happy is a lot easier than being unhappy. It is more powerful; it's healthier and more stress free than unhappiness.

The biggest problem is that very few people know how powerful and effective happiness really is. If you're looking for permission to be happy, I am giving it to you. But you must choose it and use it and put it to work for yourself now.

Our next Happiness Club meeting will be on Thursday, October 14, from 7:00 - 9:00 P.M. at the Fairfield Sullivan Independence Hall in Fairfield. Come on down, meet some great people, get connected, and be happy. Admission is free; everyone is welcome.

Do you want to see Dr. Bernie Siegel? The DVD Video: Conversations with Bernie, Health & Happiness, is ready for those who would like to see us. Dr. Bernie Siegel and I share in a delightful conversation together for over one hour. The interview took place in Dr. Siegel home, and it was aired on Public TV. Three cameras were used to beautifully capture the mood and the moment professionally done by Van Gorder Studios. You will feel like you are there with us, as we journey together. So join us and share the moment now!

This DVD Video aired on Public TV. It is presented in two parts.

Part One: To Learn and To Live 1. Introduction, 2. Kids as Teachers, 3. No False Hope, 4. Fifteen Minutes, 5. Love as a Weapon, 6. A Bitter Potion, 7. Worse Than Nothing, 8. A Past Life, 9. Credits.
Part Two: In the Journey Together 1. Introduction, 2. Wings, 3. Beyond Surgery, 4. The Journey, 5. Heal Your Life, 6. A Subway Doctor, 7. Wounded Healers, 8. A Modern Parable, 9. Credits.

You can order a copy by sending a check (payable in US funds) for $19.95 plus $2.00 shipping in the US, for as many DVD's as you want. Send check to LRK Communications, Inc. 63 Unquowa Road, Fairfield, CT 06824.

The DVD Video: Conversations with Bernie, Health & Happiness is available at one store: The Wisdom of the Ages, located at 1408 Hopmeadow Street, Simsbury, CT 06070. Phone #. 860-651-1172.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you desire. Please include the copyrights and credits due the authors.

Our mailing list and your name is never sold, traded, or given to anyone outside of our organization. You can smile about that!

REMOVAL INSTRUCTIONS: To be removed from this Happ-E-Newsletter reply with "Remove" in the subject line.

"Don't let go of the vine." - John Weissmuller, from the film, Tarzan.
Life is full of opportunities. Go For It! Carpe diem!

© Copyright 2004, Lionel R. Ketchian, all rights reserved.