Happ-E-Newsletter for December 15, 2004

Welcome My Dear Friend,

"TIS THE SEASON!"

I SEND YOU WARM WISHES OF PEACE AND HAPPINESS! WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD THIS WOULD BE IF WE HAD THIS FEELING ALL YEAR LONG.

You can keep this happy feeling or find it right now and keep it for the rest of your life!

I am including an e-mail from two people who have become good friends and read this newsletter. It is from Dr. Robert and Barbara Muller. Dr. Muller was a former United Nations Assistant Secretary-General. Dr. Muller wrote the wonderful book called: Most of All, They Taught Me Happiness. I love that book and read it many years ago. I never dreamed that I would be friends with such a happiness visionary and bringer of peace. Dr. Muller and his wife Barbara send me a Christmas present of his new book: Robert's Golden Sayings, Volume 1.

To have the gift of this man in our world is a treasure for the human race. To have his friendship is probably not to hard to imagine. Happy people must meet, it is in the fate of happy people to meet happiness. This is the letter:

Dearest Lionel, Your December 1, Happy Newsletter is a gem. You are the jewel of the internet and how happy we are to learn about your TV launch on the web. Congratulations. We just mailed you "Robert's Golden Sayings" by my husband, Robert Muller. A little purple book that will fit in any pocket or purse, a book of positive and happy thoughts that one can carry and read when needed..in line at the market or waiting in traffic. Happiness just spreads like sunshine from a happy thought to the world. We thank you and wish you more happiness, Barbara Muller

"Ultimately, it is through serving others that we become fully human." - Marsha Sinetar
Happiness Empowerment to You! LIVE RICHLY...PRACTICE HAPPINESS!

Sending Love, and Happiness to you,
Lionel Ketchian

Happiness is one of the most important things in your life. Happiness is an inner state of well being. A state of well being that enables you to profit from your highest: thoughts, wisdom, intelligence, common sense, emotions, health, and spiritual values in your life. Happiness does wonders for your soul. Practice "Premeditated Happiness." Happiness is an issue of power. We give our power to others for many reasons, and we think that they will make us happy. The truth is that we have given others power over ourselves. We can take our power back in order to be happy again. Now is the time to learn to use happiness in dealing with challenges and difficult people in your life so you can develop the strength to prevail. Reading this newsletter will not just make your life better; it will make the world a better place...because you have decided to be happy!

Reminding you to make the "Happiness Decision." Giving you our Happiness Club Meeting dates, brining you The Happiness Show on TV, happiness information, and your latest copy of the Be Happy Zone Article that is published every other Wednesday in the Fairfield Citizen-News. At the end of this newsletter you can read the latest article called: THE GOOD AND BAD, THE HAPPY AND SAD.

"Change your thoughts, and you change your world." - Norman Vincent Peale

Think Smart, Look Smart, Be Smart...Be Happy! - Lionel Ketchian

I would like to introduce you to another new friend I have made in this happiness journey called life. His name is Julian Kalmar. He is truly an exceptional human being. He has just released his new 4 CD audio set called: Happiness: The Highest Gift. I have listened to the entire set and have learned a great deal from this man. But I think you will be rather amazed when you hear more about him in his own words.

I introduce you to: Julian Kalmar

Imagine going from a strong and healthy 30-something to being bed-ridden for almost 3 years. Few could resist falling into depression. Even fewer would happily set out to change the world while stuck in bed. Yet for me, Julian Kalmar of Marina del Rey, California, that’s exactly what happened. Determined to find a way to make a living while flat on my back, I struggled with what I could do. There’s just not a lot you can do lying down.

Yet when a letter arrived from an unhappy friend, I was moved to do everything possible to help. I thought I’d just whip out a reply and go back to figuring out what I was going to do for a living. But the letter-writing didn’t go so well. On page 35 of my reply, I knew I was in trouble. Although I was quite happy in spite of my circumstances, explaining how I achieved this would require a lot more paper and would prove exceptionally difficult. Part of the trouble was that I was taught how to live happily at a very early age. As I explain, my method was so ingrained, it just didn’t occur to me to be unhappy. To me it seemed so natural. To properly teach it, I’d first have to understand it wasn’t ‘normal’ for most people.

I have brushed aside obstacles that would have stopped most of us cold. For example, after writing the first draft of my book on paper, I couldn’t get it into a computer because I couldn’t sit. When I realized I had a very long keyboard extension cable, I managed to get the keyboard to the bed. But the monitor could not be moved. What good is a keyboard without a computer monitor? Perfectly good apparently, because I touch-typed the entire first draft of my book without ever seeing what I was typing!

"The power of focus is the power to see beyond the things you cannot do, to the things you can do, given what you’ve got!"

My perspective came from a life-changing experience that I had as a boy. I was privileged to learn to live happily from a master craftsman; a watchmaker. What I’d learned to do automatically had come from years of quietly watching this old master. The master taught me things in a very quiet way. It wasn’t uncommon for us to spend hours together without a word spoken. He’d work, and I’d sit beside him watching. What I thought I was learning were mechanical principles. I had no idea that beyond the surface details, the watchmaker was teaching much more profound lessons. I was learning how to find great meaning, joy, and contentment.

The strongest message I came away with from my years with the master is that happiness is a learned skill, like riding a bike. Once you know how, you never forget. Just because the terrain changes, it doesn’t mean you forget how to ride a bike. You peddle harder up hill, and you have to steer around obstacles, but you never forget how to ride. Happiness is exactly the same. You may have to work harder or jump through life’s hoops, but that has nothing to do with being happy.

Unlike much of the "psycho-babble" written on happiness, my approach is deceptively simple and very practical. Happiness is simple at its core. We become happier when we know how to get what we want out of life. Struggle is a clue...a huge clue that we’re doing something wrong. If you’re struggling, you need a better approach. Whenever you feel anger, frustration, stress, or any other kind of upset, you’re not doing it correctly.

What I prescribe are ‘happiness actions’. Far different than instant gratification by acquiring "toys," happiness actions give deep meaning to life. According to my audio CD’s Happiness: The Highest Gift, happiness actions are based on using the natural knowledge of how we ourselves operate on the one hand, and how things in our environment operate on the other hand: Not psychology, but natural philosophy.

An example of happiness actions are: spending quiet moments in a state of gratitude for what’s working in life, putting quality into every action throughout your day, working with full awareness of each movement and sub-movement, being more gentle, and learning how to create life-changing opportunities for yourself. You’ve got to use the clues that reality is giving you. Telling yourself that things are different than your senses are telling you is discarding the only source of information you have. You’ve got to stay connected to reality through your senses.

How though, did I go from writing about happiness actions from bed, to starting a worldwide happiness mission? "One night after becoming too tired to write any more, I stumbled across a television documentary on the horrible living conditions of Afghanistan’s one million war refugees. Staring sadly into the eyes of a family of refugees on television, I had an epiphany.

Suddenly, full understanding of my own family’s heritage registered for the first time. You see, my grandparents were war refugees in World War II, and I wouldn’t be here to tell this story if not for the kindness of others. This was my opportunity to repay the long-forgotten anonymous debts that got my grandparents to safety 60 years ago, a repayment in kind. The beauty of it was that it would be paid from the very teachings of the man who owed his safety to the kindness of others.

From my bed, I have found and connected with an ever-growing collection of spiritual people I have never met. All are dedicated to creating a kinder, happier world. "From good people who are just regular folks like you and me, to retired U.N. officials dedicated to creating a happier world, we’re all in this together. I’d like to enlist President Jimmy Carter’s help, and I’m still working on His Holiness The Dalai Lama." There’s a good chance I will succeed too.

Why not buy his CD set as a gift for a friend or yourself? He put his life into this work and he is a man that is using happiness for our good as well as his own. It would make an ideal and useful holiday gift.

Happ-E-Mail:) I would like to be included in an email list from the HAPPINESS CLUB. Thank you. I am in a MA program focusing on Positive Psychology; whether certain character strengths can help prevent depression in young adults [18-28]. - Barbara

Happ-E-Quote:) "Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better." - Sydney J. Harris

Happ-E-Mail:) I look forward to attending the Happiness Club Holiday Party this Thursday. Please let me know if you need my assistance for setup, greeting, etc. I plan on bringing egg not and sparkling cider to share.

I would like to know if you would be willing to the read the poem below that I would like to include with my Christmas card that I send to family and friends.

Holiday Happiness…

it is in the air…
it can be enjoyed an celebrated each day of the year
be it a work, rest, or play…
it is a special reason to live in a meaningful way

a priceless gift to experience, share, and can give…
it will truly transform the way you live
it cannot not be bought...it cannot be sold…
it abounds in all souls of the young and the old

in good times, it can be experienced with ease and precision…
when times are a challenge, you must be firm in your decision
to choose to be happy despite the situation…
and with glory you will celebrate the rewards of your own unique creation!

I want my message to convey the principals of happiness and that every day can be a holiday and be happy if one chooses to do so. Thanks! - Take Care! - Happy Holiday! Love, Barbara Cartsounis

Happ-E-Quote:) "Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances." - Thomas Jefferson

Happ-E-Mail:) "By helping yourself, you are helping humankind. By helping humankind, you are helping yourself." - Christopher Isherwood. Sent to us from Dr. Lisa M. Miller, Assistant Professor, Ashland University, Ashland, Ohio.

Happ-E-Quote:) "Old age, to the unlearned, is winter; to the learned, it’s harvest time." - Yiddish saying

Happ-E-Mail:) I hope everyone is well. The girls and I are fine. We love our new home and are enjoying Bethel, CT very much. I couldn't have picked a better town to live in. Sorry I haven't been to a meeting in a while. By the time I get home and pick up daughter from her after school program, it's already 6:00 and I'm exhausted. To drive all the way down to Fairfield is a bit much for me these days. But I did want to touch bases with you and say hello. I hope you and your family enjoy the holidays and have a wonderful new year. Hopefully things will calm down a bit and I'll be able to get down there to see everyone. Please send my very best wishes to all and I hope everyone down there in "Happyland" is as happy as can be!!! Lisa

Happ-E-Quote:) "If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know a man, don't bother analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, or seeing how much he is moved by noble ideas; you'll get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he laughs well, he's a good man." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Happ-E-Mail:) Thanks for another wonderful e-mail newsletter to welcome me home after being away for 12 or more days...and it was a wonderful opportunity to practice what we preach...amazing...joyful things happen when you smile. Even when it hurts or you have tears in your eyes...smile and the world smiles back at you and it helps to OPEN doors that people shut tight so no one will pry them open. God managed to put me to good use and the world is a better place because I listened to Him and He lead me to those who needed a "smile in their hearts"...and I DIDN'T KNOW THIS AT THE TIME...BUT EVENTUALLY FOUND OUT LATER ON...AND YOU KNOW HOW THIS FEELS...CAUSE YOU DO THIS ALL THE TIME...BLESSINGS OF THE SEASONS... joanie

Happ-E-Quote:) "The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it." - John Ruskin

Happ-E-Mail:) Lionel - I am honored! I would love to have you list the quote and my site in your newsletter. I saw your post today on the positive psychology listserve. I am a nurse-midwife and positive psychology (authentic happiness) coach. I really want to take the science on happiness into women's health and into health care organizations. I welcome ways to reach out to the world with my vision - so, again, thanks and I look forward to being on your mailing list! Cathy

"The bottom line is that I am responsible for my own well-being, my own happiness. The choices and decisions I make regarding my life directly influence the quality of my days." - Kathleen Andrus

Happ-E-Letter:) Dear Cathy, I am so glad you have subscribed to the Happiness Newsletter. As a Happiness Coach, I know you are teaching people the skills and gifts of happiness. I congratulate you my friend. Cathy, your words hit the bulls eye of the happiness target. I love your quote by Kathleen Andrus.

Keep up the great work you are doing for the world!

Sending Love, and Happiness to you,
Lionel Ketchian

Happ-E-Quote:) "A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it." - Alexandre Dumas (1824-1895) Novelist and dramatist

Happ-E-Mail:) Just read the Happy Newsletter for December and I love it. You are just getting better and better; this is now must-reading for me. I also enjoyed your answer to Serge about how, no matter how hard he searched, happiness continued to elude him. In that regard, I would just reiterate something you said. Happiness is more than a quantity, more than a quality, and more than an emotion; happiness is a Way. That means that trying to find happiness by chasing it won't work any more than chasing after the end of a rainbow. No, happiness comes automatically through living well in certain ways.

Living well is how you suggested being more appreciative and showing gratitude each day, many times. Happiness comes to us as we begin increasing our self esteem and self love. It enhances as we shun judging others and the world. It flowers as we begin to understand that mistakes don't mean we're failures, it's just how we all learn about life in this magnificent world.

It flourishes when we understand that there are treasures for us in everything that happens, even those things most consider as negative events. It grows when we see the spiritual perfection inherent in all of us; ourselves included. It blooms as we learn acceptance for whatever life offers, even those things which bring us pain. It expands when we understand that accepting responsibility for ourselves and our actions enhances our lives, rather than diminishing them. It explodes as we see that the only time that can be real is by living fully in the present moment. It thrills as we learn to live truly as who we are rather than trying to become someone society prefers us to be.

And, perhaps most important of all, it is unstoppable as we become fully, consciously aware not only of our broad conscious awareness and attention, but aware of our own true selves, our higher selves. Well, that was longer than I intended and I know you are fully aware of it all, but I was on a roll. All my best to you and much continuing and increasing happiness. Bob Nozik

Happ-E-Mail:) Time has a way of flying by too quickly. I must say that Sid and I enjoyed the Basket Brigade - it was a wonderful experience and one that we expect to take part in every year. Meeting so many nice people was an added plus to the day! You are an exceptional person; we are lucky to know you. Looking forward to celebrating the holidays in December. Thank you, thank you for being our friend. Happiness always, Miriam and Sid

Happ-E-Quote:) "What we see depends mainly on what we look for." - John Lubbock

HAPPINESS CLUB MEETING:) Our next Happiness Club meeting will be a "HOLIDAY HAPPINESS PARTY!" We all look forward to seeing you. Come on down, meet some great people, get connected, and share the joy! Please bring a food dish or snack or drink to share with all.

Meet:) "HOLIDAY HAPPINESS PARTY!"

Date:) Thursday, December 16, 2004

Food:) Please bring a food dish or snack or drink to share with all.

2005 UPCOMING HAPPINESS CLUB MEETINGS DATES:)
Thursday, January 20, 2005

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Directions to Fairfield Sullivan Independence Town Hall
725 Old Post Road (corner of Beach Road)
I 95 Southbound Exit 22: Left onto North Benson Road, then cross Post Road/Route 1 and
continue one block to stop sign. Take a right onto Old Post Road and continue one block to stop sign. Town Hall is across the street on the left and Independence Hall is down the driveway from Town Hall.
I 95 Northbound Exit 22: Right onto Round Hill Road, then cross Post Road/Route 1 and
continue one block to stop sign. Town Hall is across the street on the right and Independence Hall is down the driveway from Town Hall.

Happ-E-Quote:) "The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it." - William James

Happ-E-Mail:) Hi, Lionel, Here is the announcement for the January meeting. Many congratulations for going global. How wonderful for you and George Ortega. Have a wonderful holiday season if I don't "talk" to you before! Cheers! Jane

The next meeting of the Canada Happiness Club will be THURSDAY, JANUARY 13, 2005. THE HAPPINESS CLUB OF NIAGARA IS DELIGHTED TO PRESENT:

DAVID ROURKE WHO WILL DEMONSTRATE: EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE (EFT). OFTEN CALLED "ACUPUNCTURE FOR THE EMOTIONS," E.F.T IS A SIMPLE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU CAN LEARN IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES. LEARN A UNIQUE EXERCISE THAT CALMS YOU SO THAT YOU CAN THINK MORE CLEARLY ABOUT ANYTHING!

Client comments: "If I weren't sitting here experiencing this, I wouldn't believe it!"

"This is amazing! I am so calm!"

The time if from 700 - 8:30 PM. It will be held at: The Normandy Resource Centre (The Legion), 111, Church Street, St. Catharines, Ontario. This facility is fully accessible. Admission is A smile and as always is free. Cheers! Jane

Happ-E-Quote:) "A belief is not merely an idea that the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind." - Robert Bolton

BE HAPPY ZONE
By Lionel Ketchian
December 15, 2004

THE GOOD AND BAD, THE HAPPY AND SAD

Dear Lionel,
I read your articles on the HappinessClub.com website. Your explanation about accepting things which we have no control over in our life so that we can have peace of mind. At the bare minimum, the problem will not be a problem at all if we accept things, which are not in our control. I must say that this is the best explanation I have read so far.

But there is one point, which you have written about that said those things happen for a good reason. We may not agree with the reason from our viewpoint but your advice is that we accept it. I was thinking, isn't it a little pessimistic to accept that? At times, things happen because of the another party's actions which were none of our concern but we got 'suck' in or somehow it affected us, but it's no fault of our own. Isn't it 'sad' if we have to accept it and be withdrawn to avoid confrontation so that we can have peace of mind? How can we accept all these things which we have no control over and yet have peace of mind? Regards, Diana

Dear Diana,
Thanks for your question. I really appreciate your interest in using happiness to find the answers to the problems life presents to us.

Things happen for a reason and you may never know the real reason that they happen. But if you choose to look at all this from the viewpoint of everything happens for the best. You are putting yourself in a much better state of mind than always complaining that bad things happen to you. How do you really know that they ultimately are not happening for your best? A flat tire may save your life if the office had a bad fire that morning and it made you late for work. Sometimes we never know the benefits of things that happen. When we accept things, we don't turn them into something that we don't like and can't deal with. Once we engage our compulsive thinking about the things that we don't accept, we start the down hill spiral of unhappiness, hopelessness and helplessness.

You can't change what has already happened to you. You can only choose to accept it. This is very important because most people are fighting the fact that something has already happened. People act as if being mad about it happening will change everything back to the way it was. Once something has happened, it has already happened and becoming unhappy about it will only make you less capable of being levelheaded and taking the best action. You are upset when something changes from what you expected to something you did not expect. Once you accept it, you have done more to change it than you ever could do by not accepting it. The reason for this is that now that you accept it you can see what choices you now have available to you in this moment.

Diana, you ask, "Isn't it 'sad' if we have to accept it and be withdrawn to avoid confrontation so that we can have peace of mind?" Please understand that I am saying accept what has happened, but I am not saying to you that you should avoid confrontation. It may be important to show someone something they have done that is not right. Many times that is something that needs to be done. If you do it with happiness, than you are doing it with power and effectiveness. You can do it to teach the person about something they may need to understand. You don't need to have control over people and impose being right so that you can feel that you are the winner.

I think the heart of your question is best answered by the fact that everything that happens has an affect on you. If you think it is "good," you enjoy it. If you think it is "bad," you resist it, and it is resistance that makes you suffer. Resistance can turn pain into suffering. Furthermore, the "bad stuff" may have come into our life for a good reason. Possibly to create a challenge within us in order for us to make a change for the better, develop ourselves and learn something valuable, or become stronger and better.

In my life situation Diana, I was told I had diabetes. Once I accepted it I began to do everything I could to reverse it. I have accomplished the essential control and am working on the elimination of my diabetes. Instead of being sad and not accepting my condition, I used acceptance and happiness to learn everything I could and put it into practice. I can actually say that I am grateful for the diabetes, because I am now healthier and leaner as a result of practicing good eating discipline and stronger using a consistent exercise program. I may owe my life to the fact that I developed diabetes. I am off five medications that I was taking to control my health. We need to see the good in every situation, if we look at it that way Diane than we can understand that life is good and all things happen for the best. If we don't look at it that way then even good things are never enough.

"Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing - no-one to blame," says Erica Jong. Her words imply that when you stop blaming others for things, you become responsible for your life and everything in it. It may not always be your fault that things are happening, but it is your responsibility. When you become accountable for yourself, a wonderful thing happens - less bad stuff happens to you.

Peace of mind comes with happiness. Being happy will allow you to take control of your thinking. Being unhappy allows your thinking to take control of you. By not having control of your thinking and your happiness you create your problems. By not being accepting you allow unhappiness to step in. You cannot change this moment. Acceptance of this moment allows you to experience peace. You may not like what has happened but you can be at peace with it. This allows you the peace of mind, the clarity and wisdom to see what your best choices are for right now.

Our next Happiness Club meeting will be on Thursday, December 16, from 7:00 - 9:00 P.M. We are having a Holiday get-together. The event will be held at the Sullivan Independence Hall, Fairfield. Please bring a food dish or snack to share with others. We will have coffee and refreshments. Admission is free; everyone is welcome. Look forward to seeing you. Come on down, meet some great people, share some holiday joy and get connected, and be happy.

Do you want to see Dr. Bernie Siegel? The DVD Video: Conversations with Bernie, Health & Happiness. Dr. Bernie Siegel and Lionel Ketchian share in a delightful conversation together for over one hour. The interview took place in Dr. Siegel's home and was aired on Public TV. Three cameras were used to beautifully capture the mood and the moment professionally done by Van Gorder Studios. It will feel like you are there with us, as we journey together. Join us and share the moment now! You can order a copy by sending a check (payable in US funds) for $19.95 plus $2.00 shipping in the US, for as many DVD's as you want. Send check to LRK Communications, Inc. 63 Unquowa Road, Fairfield, CT 06824.

The DVD Video: Conversations with Bernie, Health & Happiness is available at one store: The Wisdom of the Ages, located at 1408 Hopmeadow Street, Simsbury, CT 06070. Phone #. 860-651-1172.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you desire. Please include the copyrights and credits due the authors.

Our mailing list and your name is never sold, traded, or given to anyone outside of our organization. You can smile about that!

REMOVAL INSTRUCTIONS: To be removed from this Happ-E-Newsletter reply with "Remove" in the subject line.

"Don't let go of the vine." - John Weissmuller, from the film, Tarzan.
Life is full of opportunities. Go For It! Carpe diem!

© Copyright 2004, Lionel R. Ketchian, all rights reserved.