Happ-E-Newsletter for December 1, 2005

Welcome My Dearest Friend!

Our Holiday Happiness Club is next Thursday, December 8th in Connecticut. Check the details in this newsletter so you don't miss it!

Also check out the Bottom Line Publication for December. Wayne Dyer, Ph.D and myself are on the front cover of the magazine giving you some things you can do in 2006 to make it a great year for you!

One of the life lessons for happiness is

RESPOND, DON'T REACT!

NOW GET THAT THROUGH YOU HEAD, WILL YOU???

I am just kidding with you.

Learning to respond and not react sounds simple but it takes a lifetime of work and practice. Believe me I am still working on it every day. This is what makes us all human.

As Louise L. Hay says so well, "The point of power is always in the present moment."

The rewards of responding more and reacting less are worth the time and effort and will bring you real happiness. As Earlene Jenks has written, "Have the courage to act instead of react."

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." - Virginia Satir

GOOD GRIEF!

Is there such a thing as "good" grief? You might encounter other words for grief such as anguish, bereavement, depression, distress, heartache, sorrow, suffering, vexation and woe. They don't sound too good, do they?

We have been told that it is good to grieve when we lose someone we love. Of course, when we lose someone we love, we experience pain from the loss. This is natural and it is part of life, as we know it from our viewpoint. The pain is a part of the separation we feel for the loss of the loved one being taken from our life. It just does not seem fair. But is it good to grieve?

One way of looking at all this is to understand that we are faced with something we have absolutely no control over. When someone we know or love dies, we must accept that fact. We experience unhappiness because we did not want what happened to have transpired. Yet, it happened, whether we like it or not.

Let me ask you a question. What good does your grief do for you? Does it change the situation? Remember the Serenity Prayer? "God grant me Serenity (Happiness) to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference." Basically, it is about acceptance of what you cannot change. Of course, the important part is having the wisdom to know the difference between things you can change and things you cannot. In matters of death as well as many other things, we seem to fight that which we cannot change. We want to control things that are uncontrollable.

Are you starting to see the problem you are creating by trying to control what you cannot? Yes, of course, it is impossible and no one can do it. There is another problem that also occurs. When you are busy trying to control what you can't you are wasting your energy, instead of using that energy to control what you can. Do you know the one thing you can control? It's yourself.

Why not take real control of what you can. If you can't change something, don't let it change you! You always have a choice over how you will respond to what has happened. You may not have the choice to change something or prevent it from happening, but it is your choice to recognize what you are going to do about it…now! Most of the time we act as if we did not want something to happen, but we are forgetting that it has already happened. The real question is what are you going to do about it now? Is grieving really of benefit to you and your family?

As Harold S. Kushner the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People said, "Vulnerability to death is one of the given conditions of life. We can't explain it any more than we can explain life itself. We can't control it, or sometimes even postpone it. All we can do is try to rise beyond the question, "Why did it happen?" and begin to ask the question, "What do I do now that it has happened?"

If we could learn to accept things we can't change we would undergo far less suffering. Pain is a fact of life. If you live long enough you will see and experience pain. When you hold on to pain by emotionally prolonging it, you create unbelievable suffering. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. Pick up a hot coal and you will experience pain, hold on to it and don't let go of it and you will experience suffering. The faster you let go of pain the less you will suffer. Spencer Johnson, in The Precious Present said, "Pain is the difference between what is and what I want it to be."

If you love someone you don't have to suffer to prove that you loved him or her. You don't have to suffer to prove anything to yourself or anyone else. You don't need to suffer to prove you are in pain. Acceptance is the best thing you can do. Accept the pain and it will subside. Resistance to pain is the formula for more suffering. What you resist will continue and what you accept, you can transcend.

Let's make use of joy and happiness in our lives. Once we are unhappy about events, we are immediately off balance. We are not in the right frame of mind and our health suffers as well. Being happy shows the loved ones in our lives how important they are to us. We think enough of them that we want to be thoughtful and loving to them. Children learn to deal with pain to a great extent by the way adults in their lives react to it, or the way those adults respond to it. Give the lifetime lessons of not turning pain into life-long suffering. Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss) said, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

Our next Happiness Club meeting will be a presentation called: "Happiness for You!" by Lionel Ketchian. A 38-minute film called "Conversations in Happiness" will be shown. It is a movie with Dr. Robert & Barbara Muller and Lionel about the wisdom of happiness. Conversation and holiday festivities will follow! The meeting is Thursday, December 8, from 7:00-9:00 p.m. at the newly renovated Fairfield Public Library, in the Rotary Room at 1080 Old Post Road, Fairfield. Meet some wonderful people using happiness in their lives. Admission is free; everyone is welcome. We will have coffee so please bring cookies to share.

BE HAPPY ZONE
By Lionel Ketchian

Published in the Fairfield Citizen-News November 30, 2005

Life is complicated, happiness is simple!

Happiness Empowerment to You! LIVE RICHLY...PRACTICE HAPPINESS!

Sharing Love, Peace and Happiness with you,
Lionel Ketchian

Reminding you to make the "Happiness Decision." Giving you our Happiness Club Meeting dates, The Happiness Show, on television and on the Internet, the newest happiness information, and your latest copy of the Be Happy Zone Article's that are published every other Wednesday in the Fairfield Citizen-News. At the beginning of this newsletter you can read the latest article called: GOOD GRIEF!

"It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself."

- Muhammad Ali

Think Smart, Look Smart, Be Smart...Be Happy!

Happ-E-Mail :)

Norman Cousins became a friend of mine. He said your beliefs are your biology. - Dr Bernie Siegel

"In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways." - Edith Wharton

An important rule in communicating with others is anticipating how the other person will react. Keep asking yourself, "What is my present goal in what I'm saying?" Be flexible. If your first approach does not get desired results, try another approach. For example, if you are trying to calm someone and what you say increases his anger, try saying something else or speaking in a different tone of voice. When one strategy doesn't work, try another. This sounds obvious, but it's amazing how often this simple rule is violated. People tend to continue the familiar even when it does not bring them their desired results. In communicating with another person always keep your goal in mind and ask yourself, "Am I getting closer or further away from my goal?"

From Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.263

Dear Lionel Ketchian, I am from the Sudan in Africa and I am looking for the happiness and want to find it with the help of your "One Step Method for Happiness." Regards, Jihan Ghanim

TO THE HAPPINESS MAN! ENJOYED THE NOVEMBER HAPPINESS CLUB MEETING. I'M THE GAL WHO TALKED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER WHO WAS BRAIN DAMAGED AND HOW A HAPPY ATTITUDE GOT US THROUGH HER RECOVERY.

THERE WERE WORLD WIDE PRAYER CIRCLES AS WELL. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN MY HOROSCOPE JUST AFTER I ATTENDED THE MEETING.

IT READ: "YOU'RE THE CATALYST FOR CHANGE IN OTHERS. BEING IN YOUR VICINITY MAKES OTHERS TALK, WALK, AND WORK DIFFERENTLY. WHETHER IT'S A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE CHANGE DEPENDS ON YOUR FOCUS. BE A VERY CONTAGIOUS HAPPY VIRUS!" WHAT A COINCIDENCE THAT I HAPPENED TO READ MY HOROSCOPE WHICH RARELY I DO!

MY BEST TO YOU AND YOUR WHAT YOU BRING TO MAKE A HAPPIER WORLD. MILLICENT ZOLAN

"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day." - Sally Koch

"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance." - Bruce Barton (1886-1967)

"Hello, I happened upon your site the other day and became very interested. I just graduated from college and am in the midst of a difficult transition in my life, complicated by having just moved to a new city. I am looking for organizations that I can get involved in that relate to happiness, inner peace, or any such intellectual topics here in New York City. I would like to meet other people like myself. I'm very interested in this and would very much appreciate any information you have to offer. Sincerely, S.Y.

"A little faith will bring your soul to heaven; a great faith will bring heaven to your soul." - Charles Spurgeon

Today I discovered your new web site. It looks fabulous (love the tie, the happy faces have a smile almost as wide as yours ;-))! Congratulations and many thanks for all of your efforts to promote happiness and peace in our everyday existence.

Because of your writings, I have been introduced to many inspirational figures whose writings continue to raise my sights towards a higher consciousness. It has also opened my eyes to a better way of treating my patients (drug and alcohol addicts). I have been integrating happiness concepts into my consultations, with some very positive reactions from patients.

If I may, I would like to share with you some of my experience with the drug and alcohol addicts in the Paris region. I had the privilege of working in an addictions unit for almost two years as a general practitioner. Early on, I was blessed by an exceptional collaboration with a physical therapist and reflexologist in the unit. Together, we used reflexology techniques in addition to traditional pharmacotherapy to calm withdrawal symptoms and later to help addicts to leave the unit with an improved physical energy level.

The goal is simple, to help patients discover the healing potential within their own body; that the body is a source of well-being, which must be cherished, not punished. Often for the first time, patients felt what it was like to be relaxed and at peace. It was at that time a conversation concerning personal empowerment, peace and happiness could take place.

In other cases, the fatigue was too great after withdrawal. At that time, we used another technique to improve energy levels. During and afterwards, we talked of surmounting obstacles, facing fears and preserving physical and emotional well-being.

I would like to thank you for your writings and the quotes from your newsletter. My patients particularly appreciate the quote by Og Mandino "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." They know a lot about the darkness, I think part of my job is to teach them to look up.

I particularly enjoy your bi-monthly newsletter which I consider to be my happiness booster. It is a source of joy to me to be included in such a positive community of individuals. Your contacts and exchanges are welcome. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Lionel, if you ever get to Paris, I would love to shake your hand and talk over coffee. With love and friendship, Dr. Lisa Blecha

Her phone number in Paris is +33 1 44 06 07 08.

"If there is not joy in religion, you have got a leak in your religion." - Billy Sunday

Dear David Cook, How refreshing to read your great article on happiness. There are a great many articles written on happiness, as well as books, but very few good ones. So it is with a very happy heart that I write to you to tell you how wonderful you are. I want to thank you for being an inspiration to all of us on happiness. I am a great lover of Anthony DeMello's work. In fact I have listed his book as one of the 20 best books on happiness ever written.

Awareness by Anthony DeMello was a Jesuit Priest born in 1931 and died in 1987. His book called Awareness is a profound work in happiness and spirituality. You will need to read this book a few times because it gives you so much new thought to feed your happiness.

David Cook's article is: A Thanksgiving Of Happiness by David Cook on 11-22-05

It begins: Before his death in 1987, the Jesuit priest, mystic and author Anthony DeMello spoke the following sentence, which, when read slowly, carries the force of a cannonball: "To acquire happiness you don't have to do anything, because happiness cannot be acquired.’’

To read the entire article the link is provided below:

Sharing Love, Peace and Happiness with you, Lionel Ketchian

Happ-E-Response:)
Lionel, Yes, we do share some strong similarities, you and I. I appreciate your kind words about my column, and do agree with you about the power of DeMello's work. He cuts straight to the truth, and his words are often the ones I go straight to when I need some help, or clarity, or a dose of truth. I am a history teacher in Tennessee, who writes a semi-regular column, of which you discovered. I look forward to more communication between the two of us. Best, David Cook

"The stronger and more radiant we are, the more we can serve as a positive influence in the world. The more happiness we bring into the world, the better it is for everyone." - Dan Millman, Speaker and writer

Hello to all,

The Connecticut Basket Brigade was inspired from the larger international efforts of The Basket Brigade organization created by the The Anthony Robbins Foundation in San Diego, CA.

Happ-E-Quote :)

"It's easy to make a buck, but hard to make a difference." - Tom Brokaw

Watch "The Happiness Show," every Monday night, at 9:30 - 10:00 PM. Your co-hosts are Lionel Ketchian and George Ortega. The TV show is broadcast in six towns on Cablevision of Connecticut channel 77. It airs in Bridgeport, Fairfield, Milford, Orange, Stratford and Woodbridge. Watch "The Happiness Show," every Thursday night from 9:00 - 9:30 PM on Cablevision in White Plains, New York on channel 76.

Our next Happiness Club meeting will be a presentation called:

"Happiness For You!" by Lionel Ketchian

The 38 minute film "Conversations in Happiness," will be shown.

It is a movie with Dr. Robert & Barbara Muller and Lionel about happiness wisdom.

Conversation and holiday festivities follow!

We'll have coffee for you, please bring some cookies to share.

Date :) Thursday, December 8, 2005

Time :) 7:00 - 9:00 P.M.
Place :) In the newly renovated Fairfield Public Library, in the Memorial Room

Address :) 1080 Old Post Road, Fairfield, CT 06824

Admission is free; everyone is welcome.

Meet some wonderful people using happiness in their lives.

UPCOMING HAPPINESS CLUB MEETINGS DATES :)
All Meetings will be held at the Fairfield Library

Thursday, December 8th, 2005, Thursday, January 19th, 2006, Thursday, February 16th, 2006

Directions to Fairfield Public Library
1080 Old Post Road, Fairfield, CT 06824
(diagonally across the street from the Community Movie Theatre)

Directions from the west (New York) on Connecticut Turnpike (I-95)

Take Exit 22 (Round Hill Road) Take a right at the bottom of the ramp.
Go straight, under the railroad tracks, take a right at the light onto Post Road (Rt. 1).
Take a left at the first through street, library is on your left at the corner of Post Road and Old Post Road.

Directions from the east (New Haven) on Connecticut Turnpike (I-95)

Take Exit 22 (North Benson Road) Take a left at the bottom of the ramp.
Go straight under thruway and railroad tracks, take a right at the light onto the Post Road.
Take a left at the second through street, library is on your left at the corner of the Post Road and the Old Post Road.

PARKING AT THE LIBRARY
If you are unable to park in the lot behind the Library, there are 56 parking spaces on the Old Post Road. There are 70 more on-street parking spaces within a block of the Library. There are another 62 parking spaces in the municipal lot behind Sherman Green.

Happ-E-Quote :)

"Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." - Michael Jordan

Meeting Location: One Taste Urban Retreat Center www.onetastesf.com
Date & Time: Sundays, from 1-4pm to be announced

She conducts workshops and deals with the caregiver professions.

Cheers! Jane

"Never doubt that a small, group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

Happiness is one of the most important things in your life. Happiness is an inner state of well being. A state of well being that enables you to profit from your highest: thoughts, wisdom, intelligence, common sense, emotions, health, and spiritual values in your life. Happiness does wonders for your soul. Practice "Premeditated Happiness." Happiness is an issue of power. We give our power to others for many reasons, and we think that they will make us happy. The truth is that we have given others power over ourselves. We can take our power back in order to be happy again. Now is the time to learn to use happiness in dealing with challenges and difficult people in your life so you can develop the strength to prevail. Reading this newsletter will not just make your life better; it will make the world a better place...because you have decided to be happy!

Our mailing list and your name is never sold, traded, or given to anyone outside of our organization. You can smile about that!

To be removed from this Happ-E-Newsletter reply with "Remove" in the subject line.

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Don't let go of the vine." - John Weissmuller, from the film, Tarzan.
Life is full of opportunities. Go For It! Carpe diem!

Make the Happiness Decision Now!

This can be the best day for the rest of the "Best Of Your Life!"

© Copyright 2005, Lionel R. Ketchian, all rights reserved.