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I am the happiest person I know. Perfections is not an issue I have ever really had to deal with. A couple of years ago a friend told me “I love being at your house because you are the most imperfect person I know.” I consider that the best compliment anyone has ever paid me.
Since that time, however, my husband died, my Dad died, my daughter died and my Mom died. If I were to look at the other side of this journey I probably would jump off a bridge. However, as much as I have struggled with the journey I wouldn’t change the lessons for anything.
Lessons:
1. I have a choice how I will respond to challenges or inconveniences. It is not what happens it is how I choose to respond to what happens that makes the difference.
2. I can always find something to be grateful for. Nature gives me so much beauty the fact my heart beats 67 times a minute, every minutes of the day reminds me of the miracle I am just to be alive.
3. I don’t believe in nor do I use the word “coincidence.” I believe that God is showing me, day in and day out how much He loves me and that He is always with me.
4. I see people I meet, kind, rude, whatever, as teachers. I can learn from everyone.
5. I don’t complain.
Donna Oiland
Lake Forest Park, WA
How I learned it is OK if things aren't perfect, because they really are with the right attitude.
I learned what happiness really was about 20 years ago. I was one of those that always wanted everything perfect. Clean house, clean kids, perfect marriage and perfect little house. I didn't need the white picket fence, of course. I found myself divorced and a single mother of 3 daughters 14, 12 and 10 and trying to support them without help. Life sure wasn't what I expected.
Then one night in January living in a 2 bedroom apartment there I sat with my 3 daughters and a big snow storm bearing down on us. The wind was howling and the electricity went out. Not much food in the apartment and a quarter to my name. As I sat there with 3 little girls around candle light playing a board game I thought; this is happiness. I felt so rich with life. I didn't have the material things in my life, but I had what was important. People I loved and that loved me!
Perfect didn't matter anymore; it was the love and sharing that makes a difference and is important. Since that day I have learned to handle whatever life throws at me, knowing this too shall past. Count my blessing every day, wake in the morning with a good attitude and always put a smile on my face. My cup is always half full and I love it.
Debbie Bills
Littleton, Colorado
http://www.happymakernow.com
In the moment
I went out in the yard to play
and let the dishes sit another day
The sound of music is so sweet
now in the moment I savor the treat
I take the tune from "Winds of change"
And think, "Isn't this strange?"
As a little girl this is what I would do
to create a happy place in fields of dew
I would imagine and feel the moment I'm in
And this is where my day would begin
It's been years since I remember feeling this way
it's hard to believe how far I've strayed
It's no use thinking about the past
what's gone is gone, and I'm here at last
I see my happiness evolves from within
can I keep this up? Will I really win?
My old story comes up over and over again
It's time to take it to an end
Today I will begin with words of glee
I'll look to the sky and how happy I'll be
Today I will create another new song
And do this each day that comes along
There's power in the moment, I can attest
Everything I do will be at my best.
Hug my children, smile and laugh
clear the clutter, take time for a bath
Call my dear friends and say "How do you do?"
Let's get together, friendships renew
Happiness is something I'll choose and be
I'll nurture it well so it grows strong like a tree.
Elkie Hoffman
Spring Valley, NY
I was a professional drummer for over 20 years. A drummer has to be 'perfect' (or at least as close to perfect as humanly possible) all the time if s/he hopes to get and keep a gig for any length of time.
You can't be 99% perfect and succeed as a drummer. That would mean a mistake every 100 notes, which is far too many for a professional musician to make, so the pressure is always on. Not only can't you make many mistakes, if any, you have to have an impeccable ability to keep time consistently.
I'm afraid some of that 'programming' to be perfect occasionally rolled over into my expectations from my significant others. Maybe that's part of the reason I have 3 ex-wives.
I read over 50 books on the subject of happiness. As a result, I've learned how to allow myself and my 'significant other' to be imperfect. I'm no longer trying to 'fix' her or change her into some fantasized ideal I have about 'the perfect woman.' She allows me to be exactly who I am, which I absolutely love. We both have preferences for each other, but we don't demand that they be met. We now allow 'what is' to be. We focus on what we have and feel grateful, instead of what we don’t have.
We've been in a happy and mutually fulfilling relationship for seven years now, the longest relationship I've had in my life. We'd much rather be happy than perfect!
David Humes
Nashville, TN
My parents grew up during the depression when every penny counted. As a result, my mother taught me that perfection was knowing where every cent went. Once while visiting my older brother, my account book for the month was off by a nickel and he offered to give me five cents if I would only stop obsessing over the difference.
This focus on keeping track of every penny bothered those around me and limited my ability to enjoy an evening out or even a vacation. I would let each tab or charge slip take me away from the moment as I calculated its implications on a checking account balance or credit card limit.
As I have grown older, I have changed my approach to money and am considerably happier as a result (as are those around me). I know generally where the money goes, but I no longer get bogged down with the cash flow of life.
Now I enjoy an evening out with friends, picking up the tab for the evening without flinching. I can tip the person who made up our room with a sense of gratitude that enhances my experience as well as theirs.
By not focusing on money, I am better able to appreciate those things that are important – as some would say, those things that money can’t buy. By being less perfect in tracking the dollars and cents, I have become richer in peace of mind, fulfillment and, yes, happiness.
Jerry M. Eyster
Southport, CT
It started as a foster child,
I was never good enough.
I had to do it right or
Life was going to be tough.
I kept a silent stance;
Alone I found the key.
To do as I was told,
Helped to keep me free.
I knew I’d best be perfect,
I must never do a wrong.
Fear kept me on my toes.
I thought that I was strong.
Within though I was broken,
Low esteem had robbed my soul.
I tried to please the world,
Being perfect was my goal.
Forgiveness is my nature,
Emotion taught me many things.
I saw the good in everyone,
But loved those who could not win.
Within my heart I honored life,
Yet perfection struck me down.
To be the best for all I met
Finally drove me to the ground.
Straightening my shoulders,
Positive thoughts they kept me strong.
I believed in Good and Truth,
Yet life still seemed to treat me wrong.
I shook my mane and humbled,
Knew I must give it all away.
Leaving my past unencumbered
Meant I’d find another way.
My daily choice has risen
From the roots of tender years.
Letting go of need for others,
Letting others face their fears.
Accepting my inadequacies,
Faults that hounded my despair,
Has let me live a life of joy,
Love and happiness I share!
I am no longer perfect.
What I am is what I do.
And when we come together
I know I see me in you!
Jaci Petherick
New Zealand
www.jacismilz.wordpress.com
Everyone knows the importance of exercise, but for someone living with multiple
disabilities this can can be very difficult to achieve. Over the past 14 years I have
been diagnosed with a few major diseases - including cancer, encephalitis and a benign
brain tumour. I'm only 44 yet have such serious fatigue that I'm largely housebound and
unable to work.
6 years ago I realised that despite trying very hard there was one thing that I hadn't
managed to conquer - regular exercise. I always had a "reason" not to go out for a walk.
I was too exhausted. It was too hot. It was raining. I didn't feel like it. After much
soul-searching I realised that the only way I was ever going to walk regularly was if I
took the decision-making away and just did it - rain, hail or shine. Pain, fatigue or
sleepiness. Well, last Monday 21st February marks the 6 year anniversary since I have
walked each and every day. And I'm so proud of myself.
No matter how I'm feeling, pride gets me up out of the chair and starting the walk, and
adrenalin keeps me going.
Yes, I'm realistic enough to know that I can't expect myself to do a marathon sprint if
I'm feeling exhausted - so I'll only walk slowly for 10 minutes. So it's not perfect.
But it's made me happier knowing that at least I'm trying to do something to help myself,
no matter how small.
Iolanda Grey
Australia
When going about our daily lives, what is the purpose of perfection? There is none. What does one gain - after spending so much time, energy, effort, worry, and sometimes money - trying to "be" perfect, say the perfect words, do the perfect thing, look the perfect way, and have the perfect possessions: car, home, clothes, body...you name it. In most cases, I've realized, since I used to strive for all of the above, that (unless you're an air traffic controller), good enough will serve it's purpose just as well as "perfect", but without all the anxieties, what ifs, and "what will they think of me?"
Good enough is actually more practical, because without having to put so much into trying to achieve perfection, I will have MORE precious time and energy, and LESS worry and angst, which will allow me to do more things that I enjoy. And by letting others help me when working on a team effort, I've found I'm more relaxed, and others feel better being part of an accomplishment.
I'd rather have the time to enjoy ten really good or great experiences, than fret about how perfect some things will be, and then only have time to enjoy two or three.
I've also realized, that my need for perfection was to please others. But guess what? No one else really notices! All that extra effort for nothing.
So instead of seeking "I'M perfect", IMperfect is good enough for me.
Madelyn Raymond
Bridgeport, CT
I always thought that I didn't care about perfection, at least not in the material sense. What I have always cared about is the need to present myself as a perfect person by the need to please, not really being who I am, but who I thought others expected.
Oh, I know I am a very nice, good, person, but I carried that need to please for a very long time. I wanted people to like me. I've always wanted to “do the right thing”, not that it is a bad way to be. It came with a price, my lack of a real sense of happiness. I didn't always do what I wanted to do or what really made me happy, but what would please someone else. The cost of not paying attention to what I needed was that I became depressed. On the outside no one knew. I finally realized that I couldn't keep feeling this way and knew that I had to really dig deep, look at myself and let go of what others would think. The reward was that I did become happier, I developed a real sense of inner peace. It didn't matter if anyone approved, I did!
I still have the pleaser in me, it hasn't entirely left me, but I am much more aware of it now. I don't have the stomachaches anymore. I can say how I feel or say No if I don't want to do something, it’s ok. I'm happy!
Tina Garrity
Madison, CT
Meaning to wash the windows, but ending up watching a hawk perched in the evergreen just outside.
Knowing that I really should take a shower and choosing to go and write a poem about my morning eggs instead.
Being late for my hair appointment because I pulled over to watch the clouds for five minutes.
Planning to mow the lawn and going hiking with my dog instead. Many, many times. And I have the worst lawn in the neighborhood to prove it.
Leaving two marriages, not having any idea how I would survive, but believing that miracles were somehow around the corner and they really were. Repeatedly.
Becoming a member of the Three Times Around Club (which can raise a lot of eyebrows, believe me!) and marrying a man who’s as imperfect as me but completely, totally understands and supports who I am and who I want to be in the world.
Choosing work (reflexology) that wasn't the most obviously lucrative ... and has led me to an incredible workplace full of kindred spirits (the Shoreline Center for Wholistic Health in Guilford, CT), a group of fabulous like-minded friends (through a Law of Attraction in Action group), and to pursue other creative endeavors that I might never have even thought of otherwise. (5minutestoabetterworld.com)
For me, being happy is never about being ‘perfect’ it’s a chance in every moment to choose the thought or action that fills me with bubbling excitement, appreciation, and love for myself, others, and the world.
MJ Stevenson
New Haven, CT
mj@5minutestoabetterworld.com
The panel of judges: John S. Tamerin, M.D., Robert A. Nozik, M.D., Rabbi Zelig Pliskin and Lionel Ketchian.